100 Weirdest Pairings You Will Ever See
by Saxy Sara
Summary: basically wat the title says...it will range from Voldermort and Rita Skeeter to Harry and Wood to Ginny and Cho to Duddley and Cho. almost extreme OOC
1. Sock Lovers

Disclaimer: I own nothing….all characters belong to J.K. Rowling

**Sock Lovers**

One very magical day, Dumbly felt a rumble throughout the building.

"What was that?!" he thought. "IS IT VOLDY VOLDY VOLDEMORT?" Just then he heard the rumble again. "OH! It's my tum tum!" He said aloud getting a very strange look from McGonagall. So, Dumbly took a long walk down to the kitchens. He walked and walked and walked and walked. He got hungrier, so he decided to run.

"HUAH!" but running was slower than walking…FINALLY, ten hours later, he made it to the kitchen, But by then it was late, and all the house elves were out cleaning the dormitories except for one….DOBBY!!!!

"Hello Dobby!" Dumbly said while checking the small house elf out.

"Hola Dumbleeeee!" said Dobby. Dobby was use to out old friend's frequent night visits, that's why he made sure he was the only one left in the kitchens.

"Got any food?" Dumbly asked.

"Why yes." Dobby answered. "This is a kitchen!"

"Oh yes…I forgot!" Dumbly answered.

"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" they both laughed.

While Dobby was preparing cold tomato soup with fish, (gazpacho de pescado!) Dumbly noticed Dobby's one hot pink sock, and the other bright yellow sock.

"My my my Dobs, I love your socks!"

"You do?" Dobby said opening his wide with surprise. "Most people don't like snitches and wands on socks.

"THEY HAVE SNITCHES AND WANDS?!?!?!?" Dumbleeman exclaimed," I didn't even notice that (cuz he's an old bat!). They're even foxier now!" Dobieieieieie and Doomble looked into each others eyes. They realized they were made for each other! Dobeeee said," You know you're kind of SEXY for and old fag right?" Dumble-fag replied, "I know and you're SMOKIN' for a house elf yourself. And your socks! AHH! Love them girlfriend!" Dobbs replied," How'd you like to go to the back kitchen?"

"Rawr! You're making me hungry!" Dumbs replied. Dumble picked up Dobbs and carried him into the back of the kitchen. And they would've lived happily ever after, exchanging socks forever, but Dobbs left the gazpacho de pescado on the stove, and burned down all of Hogwarts, killing everyone. So, Voldy took over the world.

**The End**

A/N: I know I already wrote this in an old story I deleted, but I felt that I should just start it in a new story….yes I know it's OOC but that is technically the point. This was written in my old Spanish 1 class with my Dumblin.


	2. Bath Time!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all characters.

**Bath Time!**

"I can't wait for the Quidditch match this Saturday!" exclaimed Harry, for the millionth time during Potions.

"I know…you've said that at least a million times. To bad Hermione can't tell you off, on the account of having her face burned, and then getting carried off on a broom with the hot Bulgarian Bomb-Bomb Viktor Krum." Said Ron.

"Ya…he's smokin'!"

"Harry?!" Why'd you say that?!"

"That wasn't me!"

"Then who was it?"

"It was me you fools!" Snape said as he appeared out of the shadows.

"….."

"Well…I'm just going to leave now." Harry said, pointing towards the door.

Harry didn't know where he was going, but he just kept walking. He began to think about this Saturday's Quidditch game. Why was he so excited? The match was only against Hufflepuff. But, then he started to think of Cedric…and how good he looked in that Quidditch uniform. And those chiseled abs he had the pleasure of touching once. Harry was so in thought that he didn't even notice he ended up at the prefects' bathroom. How of all places did he end up here? Without thinking, he said 'pine fresh.' He walked in only to find Cedric sitting in the pool size tub.

"Harry! What are you doing here?"

"I…don't…know…"

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…"

"…….."

"……."

"YOU'RE HOT!!!!!" shouted Harry.

"Well…yes I know! Isn't my voice deep and irresistible?" Cedric replied.

"Why yes…yes it is."

"So, the game this Saturday…" Harry started.

"Cut the crap Harry…I know you want to sit in here with me."

"How do you do that?!" Harry said in shock.

"Well Harry…it's because I'm bulimic."

"OoOoOo! So you can read minds?" Harry said in wonder.

"Yes Harry, yes I can." After that, Harry stripped off his clothes and hopped into the bath. And every time Snape mentions the Bulgarian Bomb-Bomb Viktor Krum, Harry sneaks off to the prefects' bathroom to find Cedric. And they would've lived happily ever after if Voldermort didn't come and sneak up on Harry and Cedric and steal all of the bubbles.

**Well…the End!**

A/N: well another story written in my old Spanish 1 class. I hope I don't offend anyone with the bulimia comment…I was a quote my friend put in from the movie zoolander.


	3. Yum Yum OJ!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.

**Yum Yum OJ!**

Once upon a time, there was a little gay/hot/fag boy named Harry Potter.

"Oh I'm so foxy!" he thought.

A while back, Harry was madly in love with Cedric Diggory, a dead pretty boy, but then Diggory dumped him for the hot magical EVIL wizard Voldermort, who had charmed him after he stole bubbles, scared Harry away, and took off his pants. Now Voldy and Ced were doing "things" in the prefects' bathroom, and Harry was feeling very lonely, and he couldn't sleep! So he woke up early and went to the Great Hall. No one was there except Nearly Headless Nick.

"Good morning Harry!" said the ghostie.

"Hey Nick," said Harry still depressed. "Where's the food?"

"Oh I don't know. Got to goooooooooooooooo." Said Nick as he DISAPPEARD!

Harry decided to go sit down at the Hufflepuff table. In the exact spot where his lover Cedric had sat. Just then, some orange juice appeared at the table.

"Hey!" it said.

"You talk?!" Harry exclaimed.

"Chyeah…big deal."

"Oh. Well how are you?"

"Pretty bad. I'm really cold. Been in the fridge all night. You?"

"I'm bad. My boyfriend just dumped me for a hot evil wizard with no nose."

"Oh you mean Crazy V? He's REALLY hot! We went out for a while."

"Voldemort went out with jugo de naranja?"

"WTF are you callin' me you slut bag wizard?!?!?!"

"I called you orange juice…"

"No you fucker! You called me hugo day nayranja, or some shit like that! And I was thinking of asking you out…"

"That means orange juice in-wait…WHAT?!?!"

"Yeah you're pretty cute…"

"Back at cha" Harry said while winking.

"So you wanna comfort each others lonliness?"

Harry thought about it…Should he go out with orange juice? It sounds weird…but that juice does look pretty tasty…

"Yeah, why not?" Harry picked up the juice and took it back to his dormitory. Everyone was still sleeping.

"Wait here." Harry said," I gotta pee!"

"Okay." Said the jugo.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry hear as he was in the bathroom. He hurried and ran out of the bathroom.

"Whasawho happened?" he asked.

"Nothing Mate!" Ron replied. "I just saw some orange juice on your table, and I drank it and it started screaming…I think I imagined it though."

"YOU DRANK WHAT?!!"

**The End!**

A/N: written during Spanish 1 again by my ex-wife Dumblin. Have no idea what went through her mind while she wrote this…or any other time she talks or writes…so Ya….


	4. Let's Kill Harry!

Disclaimer: all characters belong to J.K. Rowling

**Let's Kill HARRY!**

Cho Chang was currently waiting for her boyfriend Harry Potter to come and meet her for their date. Then she remembered that Harry and Cedric use to go out and she started to cry.

About 5 hours later, Harry still hadn't shown up, so Cho started crying, AGAIN!

"Well….hello there little child!"

"Wha? Who said that? Show yourself!"

"Calm down Harry Potter's girlfriend! It's only me…Voldemort, the Great and Powerful Dark Lord killer of your ex-boyfriend Cedric."

"Go away…I HATE YOU!" Cho screeched.

"Now is that any way to talk to me…Lord Voldemort…the Great and Powerful Dark Wizard, killer of Cedric Diggory, and…"

"SHUT UP!" Cho scrams through her never ending sobs, which seemed to grow louder with every passing second.

"You SHUT UP! You and your insufferable crying! You're giving me a headache!"

"Sorry."

"I will only accept your apology on one condition."

"What? I'll do anything!"

"Anything I say? Well, I want you to help me kill Harry Potter!"

"Why? What has he ever done to you?"

"Well, besides going out and trying to destroy me, he's ripped me from my body, AND has Dumbledore all to himself! He also cut off his beautiful hair!"

"Why…that's horrible! I shall help you kill him!"

"Okay…let's go!"

Cho and Voldemort had found Harry in the kitchens, crying at a jug of orange juice.

"Baldy waldy smoldy!" Voldemort and Cho said in unison.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Harry screeched. "My hair has been shaved clean off!"

"Serves you right for cutting your hair!" stated Voldemort.

"Oh…well…I promise I'll grow it out if you let me get away!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh…ok!" replied Voldy.

"Hey Harry!" Cho shouted.

"Yes Cho?"

"I want to break up with you!"

"Oh, ok! I didn't like you much anyways!" Harry shouted as he left the kitchens.

"Why'd you dump him?" Voldy asked.

"Cuz I realized I didn't like him."

"DIDN'T LIKE HIM?! HOW COULD YOU NOT? HE'S HOT AND SEXY, AND COOL, AND POPULAR, AND HE'S GOING TO GROW OUT HIS HOT HAIR AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Voldy shouted excitedly.

"Ya…but I love someone else." Cho said.

"Really…who?"

"You!"

"Oh…well…I like you too!"

"Let's get together and have a bunch of snake, Harry-hating, babies together!" Cho said

"Okay!"

And Voldy and Cho lived happily ever after, until one of their 20 children had developed a crush on Harry. Unfortunately, for the child, Voldemort and Cho disposed of the eldest offspring. They no longer speak of their oldest son.

**The End**

A/N: I know kind of lame ending….oh well……..


End file.
